Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Is Fidel Castro Dead? Babalú Again Has the (Wrong) Answer

Here we all thought Babalú had a special patented seismograph which let it know whenever Castro's death was imminent. That the seismograph was not very good at forecasting Fidel's death or anything else did not seem as important to us as the blind faith that Val had in it. So great was his trust in this contraption that he staked his blog's reputation and his own by throwing his lot with Perez Hilton, the professional gossipmonger, who went out on no limb himself when he announced, in conjunction with Val, Fidel Castro's demise a month ago. His seismograph (known at other times as "gay radar") must have been beeping too.

In his latest post on Babalú, "Place Your Bets, Folks!" Val reveals that his seismograph is actually Google. Yes, the world's most popular search engine. What makes it a unique resource for Val is that he personally processes its information through a less powerful engine, namely, his brain, using a formula entirely of his own devising, which allows him to know how close Castro is to death hour by hour (or how close the regime is to announcing his passing). Whenever Babalú blog receives an unusual number of visitors via Google who use the search words "fidel castro dead" or some similar wording, and the number of such visitors and queries, as reported by Sitemeter, increases exponentially during the week, Val shakes as if the earth were opening around him and a bell goes off in his head: "Fidel Castro is Dead."

Val then transmits the word urbe ex orbe; an entire mid-size city of 100,000 rushes to his blog to hear more news about Fidel's extinction, which Val assures everybody has the City of Miami and even the White House on "Code Red;" the champagne is put on ice in thousands of Cuban-American homes; noisemakers from last New Year's are unearthed; the flags are unfolded; hearts are beating faster and everybody's imagination is running far ahead of actual developments, when, suddenly, the balloon bursts. Oops, Val proclaims Fidel's demise to be a false alarm. Or is it? Since Fidel is already dead (according to Val), is it really a "false alarm" to announce his death, once, twice or even one-hundred times? Does the truth cease to be the truth because it is pronounced before its time? Is Val not a prophet in the desert? Predicting the death of a moribund 81-year-old should be child's work for a prophet. And yet. It perennially eludes Val and not for want of trying.

Let me be the first to predict that Val will again announce Fidel's death this Friday. That is always a safe bet.



Whatever you think of Val's postings concerning Fidel's death and the manner in which they are handled - the fact of the matter does remain that Fidel is in fact dead.

On the island, that is as foregone a conclusion as the color of the sky. Guard posts at Punto Cero have been eliminated (not altogether certainly), Reforma's (Mexican daily) Yolanda Martinez was able to get confirmation of the fatal septicemia over a month ago from family members and the bearded brute has failed to appear in any form in three months. As John Cleese once put it: "he has ceased to be."

Now to get rid of the other prick. Sigh.

Manuel A.Tellechea said...


Death has become a relative term in recent years. Machines can perform virtually all of man's vital functions, and even a corpse or near corpse, could be kept in an artificially sub-animated state for years. With competent ghostwriters and the respectful silence of the world's media, Castro could "live" the 140 years that his personal physician once predicted for him.

Ruse or not, it is the Cuban people who must decide and act upon that conviction.

Speculation from this end serves no useful purpose at all. Weekly announcements of Fidel's death may serve a purpose for the announcer, but benefit nobody else.

Manuel A.Tellechea said...


Expect to get an e-mail from Val castigating you for commenting here.

Fantomas said...

bastante jodio fidel, si tenemos que matarlos todos los viernes aunque sea de mentirita.. bienvenido sea, Many dont spoil the party chico

Vana said...


I feel in my heart that the prick is dead, lets call it premonition, but I cannot bring myself to really believe it until and if we get some type of confirmation from the MSM, what Val is doing is wrong, getting peoples hopes up with no official announcement, he's playing with his readers emotions, why they continue to read him, is a mystery to me.