Words of Reassurance to the Cuban Boxers from Fidel and of Thanks to Brazil

"These citizen boxers need not fear being arrested upon their return to Cuba [what's going to happen to them is much worse], or being subjected to the methods employed by the Americans at Abu Ghraib and Guántanamo [those niggers are going to be "necklaced" with burning tires (a trick that Winnie Mandela taught me) and have cattle prods shoved up their black asses (a trick I learned from Raúl)]. They will be transferred temporarily to a guest house [the houses which I gave them have already been confiscated and their families evicted] and will be given access to their families [who will be released from prison upon their good behavior]. The press will also be allowed to contact them if they wish [after their electro-convulsive treatment and re-programming; it worked for Elian and their brains are at the same level]. They will be offered honorable work in the field of sports which will be in keeping with their knowledge and experience [they will become trainers at 24 and never again fight in their lives, much less leave the country]. The Brazilian authorities [who suck my artificial ass], faced with the inevitable campaigns of our adversaries, can rest assured that Cuba will know how to rise above these circumstances [though Hugo, acting on his own initiative, might liberate Amazonia]. As for myself, I will sleep soundly tonight [in my artificially-induced coma]." — Fidel Castro, Juventud Rebelde