Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Mr. Prieto Builds His Dream House

Val should place a call to Habitat for Humanity. Jimmy Carter, if he can still hold a hammer, would be glad to knock a few holes in his sheetrock before moving on to the next "Photo Opportunity for Humanity."

When Val triumphantly announced his kitchen-beautiful project, in the midst of the worst housing slump in history, I pointed out to him that it might not be the best time to stake the house on the house. Since Val is a construction project manager and his wife a realtor, it shouldn't have been necessary to point that out to him.

Just as he himself predicted, the kitchen project grew like a fungus to encompass the entire house, every room of which appears to be in various stages of renovation. His shower doesn't work and his kitchen sink hasn't been hooked up yet. Like someone else that we all know, Val is very good at levelling; it's the building part that he can't seem to master. That other guy has been able to escape the consequences of a crumbling economy and his own fiscal irresponsibility for 50 years. Val, by his own admission, has not been as lucky.

Rather than following in footsteps of another fellow Cuban, Bob Vila, Val has unwittingly recreated that PBS series where a family agrees to live as the pioneers did in the 19th century, or, sadly, as Cubans do today. Having "busted his budget" and reached the limits of what the Time-Life Library of Do-It-Yourself books can teach an amateur, Val was left with no choice but to appeal for help to his family of readers, who are by no means unaccustumed to such bail-outs. The foe of remittances or of any kind of assistance to his starving countrymen in Cuba has asked his readers to furnish him with a pro-bono plumber and pro-bono tile-installer, as well as discounts or donations of sundry hardware and construction supplies.

Where is the Val, we ask, who admonished his readers not to send money to their relatives in Cuba but fishing lines? Remember? "Give a man a fish and he will eat for one day, teach him to fish and he'll have food for a lifetime." Except, of course, in Cuba, where fishing is a criminal offence and telling someone to "go fish" is like telling him to go to hell.

Happily, we live in a free country where fishing is not illegal. I suggest that instead of plumbers or other voluntary workers and in lieu of building supplies, his readers send Val fishing poles, lines, hooks and bait. Yes, worms, lots of worms. He can sell the fish off his pick-up truck on Coral Way and with the proceeds buy supplies and hire illegal workers to fix the mess which he has made of the Villa Valentina.

The Villa Valentina

41 comments:

JImmi Carter, Habitat For Humanity said...

I can still hold a hammer at my age and I will happily help a person who needs money and free workers because he squanders his.
My friend Fidel Castro has also being "financially creative" since 1947, and it has never stopped me for helping him.
I am ready with my brigade of Obama supporters to go help! Now!
I will donate peanuts, salted and unsalted for his pantry and also peanut butter, and a photo of an UFO to hang in the finished project.
We shall overcome, Señor Tellechea!
No la tenemos ninguno miedo! Seremos coma la Che!

la voz de raul said...

Hay mejores maneras de ganarte los chavitos, pero si vas a vender pescado, ¿por qué no cherna?

Eusebio Leal Historiador Habana Vieja said...

Best post ever. Please enmarcalo

Joe Garcia para Mr Prieto said...

Cooperemos con el Señor Prieto en esta ocasion. La familia cubana esta primero y debemos mantenerla unida. Con el techo y el bienestar de los cubanos no se juega. Enviare una brigada de balseros recien llegados para que te ayuden a acabar el proyecto . Ya hable con Pepe Hernandez para que te ayudecon el remittance y la gente de Obama piensan enviarte un pro bono de Loews desde Chicago

Bob Vila said...

Voy para alla el sabado Val

3 guys from miami said...

Count with us Val , pa lo que sea Val pa lo que sea

Chomsky said...

I will throw in a few of my books for you pal

Home Depot Corp said...

A $ 200 gift certificate has been approved in your behalf by our corporate sponsors. It was not sent snaill express, we used DHL

Cuba Nostalgia treasurer said...

As of today your Nostalgia 2008 exhibition bill has not been paid in full. You have 10 days to pay the remaining balance of 1134.55 , 40 % of which was your beverage Hatuey Beer bill owed to Bacardi, Corp

Yusimiel el Balsero said...

Oe!!!
De gratiñan na na ni na!

Anonymous said...

And exactly how does one go from architect to project manager?
Did his failure with this home project cause the demotion? That Architects Association apparently does not take fools lightly.
Así que el señor val no es mas que un capataz?. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but clearly he is ashamed of how ordinary his life turned out to be. Just compensate with lies and exaggeration to make himself feel better. Raised in the USA and that is the best he could do? I know 2 people in Miami who arrived from Cuba two years ago and are now doctors. That must kill him to be so embarrassed of his own lot in life that he must lie to the WSJ just to be taken seriously.
Who knows, he may do very well as a beggar. Que Santa Bárbara lo ayude porque como mentiroso los santos lo han jodido..

Bob Vila said...

To Mr. Prieto,
We thank you very much for your interest in the non-qualified construction helper position at the Bob Vila's Home Again Show.
Unfortunately, we decided to go in another direction and give the position to a balsero with great sense of humor, real qualifications in construction, and who does not expect anything for free in life.
Good look with your project.
PD
The unsolicited photographs you sent will be returned to you when you send a self addressed self stamped envelope. We will keep the one that shows you in drag, very funny.

George Momeo said...

My fellow writer (and new Babalu managing editor) Henry and I share a devotion to the memory of Ronald Reagan

Posted by George Moneo at 03:03 PM | Habla (0) | Leenkaso (0)

rin tin tin said...

Ay carajo como me he reido con este post

Que siga la musica cojones

Viva Cuba , Viva la cocina de Val , Vivan los balseros, viva Bob Vila.Viva Manuel y viva Fantomas tambien que mas da

Mahoma el Egipcio de Pakistan said...

Moneo, after we finish with the Danish , we will go after your ass

Parroco de la Ermita de la Caridad said...

3 million hits but how many Cuban Balseros has Val hosted in the last 5 years?

balsero que dejo el pressure cooker said...

Le debe de dar pena. Oye Val, eso se llama el "pressure cooker".

Anonymous said...

Fantomas que le hicistes a Alex Hernandez?

Anonymous said...

Fantomas puso un video nuevo en su blog que dice que Mc Cain eliminara las cervezas si sale electo. Val , que pensaras hacer sin cerveza, podras ahorrar mucho dinero para tu casa.
Mc Cain is your man

Anonymous said...

Que alcahueta es el moneo ese. Henry Louis de Borbon el "Managing Editor" y Valentin el arquitecto sin casa terminada, Fantomas el nino bobo y Moneo el limpia botas de Henry y Valentin. Que clase de show!

Anonymous said...

oye val,
ni un comentario desde las 8 de la manana. me parece que te la vas a tener que meter solito mano.

Niño bitongo said...

oye val,
ni un comentario desde las 8 de la manana. me parece que te la vas a tener que meter solito mano.

Las ayudas para Val estan en camino y llegan por e mail no por los comentarios

Anonymous said...

Where is the owner of this blog when you need him the most

Manuel A.Tellechea said...

anonymous:

Enjoying the proceedings like everybody else here.

Frank Calzon said...

Creo que me pueden sobrar unos realitos el 15 de Junio. Te los hare llegar pero Shhhh........

Frank Calzon said...

Manuel cuando decidas remodelar nos avisas tambien. A nuestro petty todavia le queda algo y lo tengo que gastar antes de Jan 1, 2009 que es cuando Joe Garcia toma mi puesto

plomero de kendall said...

yo te destapo, no problem.

habitat for inhumanity said...

fantomas,

esta es tu oportunidad. Llama al poodle para que te ensene como limpiar botas.
Saca tu pasaje pa kendall y a ponerse a trabajar. K-mart tiene unos pantalones de trabajo buenisimos. Moneo te ensena.

Anonymous said...

Fantomas y la palabra "trabajar" no pegan. Fantomas has left the house.

Anonymous said...

Fantomsmas is the life and blood of this blog . Let's see what he has to say on this post

Where are you fanstosman?

Sifirino said...

King Prieto of Kendall, did you know most Cubans starting this year will begin to live in plastic houses thanks to chavez

I don't hear them cubans complaining for lack of materials and thanks to the embargho they can't shop at Home Depot

Tell el niño bitongo about this please

The embargo kills

A.B.C.D. said...

Asociacion de Balseros Cubanos Dignos

Rechazamos categoricamente la propuesta de esclavitud extendida por Mr. Val Priet (asi se nos presento). Somos todos doctores, o por lo menos licenciados de filosofia marxista, y podemos afirmar que jamas en toda nuestra vida hemos conocido a un ñangara como el.

Durante la jornada laboral sin interrupcion de 16 horas, no nos ofrecio ni un palitroque, ni un vaso de agua, mientras que el no dejo de comer por un solo minuto, ni de hablar tampoco.

Gracias a Dios era imposible entenderle, aunque creo que queria enseñarnos a pescar. Un tipo muy raro y abusador.

De los $80 que nos pago con mucha mala gana, como si fueran 80 gotas de sangre que nos ofrecia, nos quito $30 para "obras beneficas," que asi llamaba la cerveza que tomaba y no brindaba.

Si Mr. Priet necesita esclavos, que los vaya a buscar entre los mexicanos.

Anonymous said...

Too bad McCain has forgotten the 80s in his old age.

Posted by Henry Louis Gomez at June 10, 2008 06:06 PM

Este cometrapo le sigue tirando a mcCain. Se merece a Obama. Desgraciadamente vamos a sufrir todos.

Anonymous said...

niño bitongo, cometrapo

lol

profanador de tumbas comunistas said...

Esto esta buenisimo

Viva la Democracia

Abajo la dictadura y la Ñanganeria

Vana said...

LMFAO..Val has his nerve, asking for pro bono work for Villa Valentina, the best of all is there are not comments, no one answered his plea for help, just as I thought I'd seen and heard everything...Lol..Manuel you gave me good laugh after a trying day at work..Love it!!

Anonymous said...

How about getting a Bank Loan Mr Prieto

Mambo said...

Within the USA where all possible means of financial resources are available, val prieto pulls a tia Consuelo in Cuba and asks for financial help ( pro bono translates into " help me out here I am broke") and still he does not see the hypocrisy of his stands against sending money to Cuba?
As someone pointed out; how about a bank loan, a credit card charge? Any financial facilities you have in the USA that are not available in Cuba. Unless his miserable salary and credit score have him close to the welfare line. But how different is this plead from that of the Cubans in the island? I would love for this zangano to explain why is it perfectly okay for him to beg for help but sending money to tia Consuelo is (to him) tantamount to treason. Is there a linear though in that socotroco’s head? Or is it that he feels we owe him something, for all the tears he has shed while writing his anti-cubans tirades?
Is that brain capable of understanding the incongruity of his actions, or is he just such a stupid, self centered individual that the correlation evades him?
But being that this is Val Prieto this can very well be a ruse claiming poverty so that none of the 80% of the 80 million destined to Cuban dissidents and lost in Miami will ever get traced to him?

Agustin Farinas said...

MAT,
you alwasys seem to have the right phrase for the comments by the anonimi. Great sense of mordant humor, as I said once before.

Fantosmas said...

Agustin porque no te atreves a decir que el anonimi es Fantomas

Anda give it a try

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