Monday, June 9, 2008

A Bout With Gout

Val spent all week-end on his sofa nursing his swollen big toe. This is what gout is: crystals of uric acid deposit in the big toe, causing it to engorge as if the bone were going to rip through the skin at any moment. It is one of the worst pains known to man and only man, since women don't get it. I guess childbirth is bad enough.

The gout was once known as the "royal disease" because only kings and nobles could eat enough variety of foods to trigger it. If you ate oats and oats only all your life you were not going to get the gout. You'd die of a thousand other diseases and deficiencies, but not gout. As different kinds of food became available to a larger segment of the population, the gout has become more democratic. With Val as a sufferer now, any cachet still attached to the gout is a thing of the past.

I myself had the gout 20 years ago.

One bout and never another since.

There's a little pill that cures its effects within 2 minutes.


The first wonder drug.

No one today has to lie abed nursing the gout.

(Unless he wants to).

Take one, Val.

You'll like it.


Anonymous said...

You are very kind not to let Val suffer.

Anonymous said...

And now We do have a Doctor in the MADhouse

Manuel A.Tellechea said...

You are very kind not to let Val suffer. -- anonymous

This whole blog is an act of kindness to Val. It seeks to cure not his swollen big toe, but his swollen head. That is a far more delicate and complex matter.

voz de raul said...

I know something that Val can do with his engorged big toe.

Meyer Lanski said...

I know of another famous Cuban who suffered from gout: Fidel Castro.
No dear of mine, that putz.

Anonymous said...


Val is "famous?"

They quote him once in the WSJ and he's "famous?"

They quote penny stocks too and they are not famous.

Manuel A.Tellechea said...


The previous comment may contain a link with a virus.

Infection Inspector said...

This message by Reviews Fan was infected with a virus.... Maybe the gout?

Reviews Fan said...

Nice review ;)


Reviews Fan

6/09/2008 10:06 AM

Meyer Lanski said...

I should have said "infamous".
Greetings from Heaven

Squathole said...

It is one of the worst pains known to man and only man, since women don't get it. I guess childbirth is bad enough.

Gout can afflict women, just not as frequently as men. My grandmother suffered from gout for many years, as well as diabetes and childbirth (6 times). Not sure which made her more miserable, her swollen feet, or her children.

Manuel A.Tellechea said...


You are right. Women get gout after menopause because of decreasing estrogen. High estrogen levels during the childbearing years prevent the onset of gout.

By age 80, more women have gout than men do. Of course, by 80 there are not that many men left.

Anonymous said...

I hope you'll have good advice when Val gets hairy palms.

Anonymous said...

Can you do anything for George?

Alex Hernandez said...

And Stop drinkin so damn much Val..

Vana said...

Val is well known to gorge himself with all kind of Cuban goodies, time to give up red meat Val.

Mamey said...

MAT: What's the cure for Val's swollen head? Or for his compulsion to share his ailments with the world like an old lady.

Dr Smoke said...

Quit smoking Val, it will do you good

Val's Gout nurse said...

Lavate los pies por favor , echate talco, sicotudo

el brujo de bayamo said...

Echale salvia al Gout

K mart Hialeah Manager said...

Anonymous said...
Can you do anything for George?

A ese pegale un cocotazo y ya esta

Pobrecito said...

Big Toe Val


pedro el panadero said...

Alex Hernandez

que te hizo Fantomas?

Agustin Farinas said...

The Rubber Head is back in good odour with the folks at Babalu. They even gave him an attaboy for a news story. And yet, he keeps upbraiding them for their censorship.
One never knows about Rubber Head. One day he is someone and the next he is somebody else. Typical of a disfunctional and esquizofrenic personality.

Manuel A.Tellechea said...


With fantomas at Babalú, it's always "good cop/bad cop." It's George's job to pummel him; Val's job to ignore him; and Henry's job to apply his prodigious salve.

Angel Garzón said...

What about Colchicine Manuel? My former doctor (he passed away in 1998) had a bout with it and when I asked him what he used to combat it, he mentioned Colchicine.

Manuel A.Tellechea said...


Colchicine is the world's oldest treatment for gout and considered very effective. My own experience, however, was with indomethacin. One moment I was in excruciating pain and two minutes after swallowing the pill the pain was completely gone and the swelling within a couple of days. Indomethacin is not a painkiller which makes its analgesic effect all the more remarkable especially in view of the fact that aspirin itself is useless and even contraindicated in the treatment of gout.

Anonymous said...

Moscas ayudenme que sino cierran

Esteban Dido said...

What does Gout has to do with our Bout?


Weather Channel meteorologist Jennifer Lopez said...

Oh My God Review Readers, I have seen it all now

Mr Prieto Wants YOU, yes You folks to help him renovate his house

Does anyone have a couple of bucks maybe 10 to send this poor man

This year Florida is expecting 6 Cat 5 Hurricanes , why is he in such a hurry to finish it , he may have to start it all over again

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