Saturday, November 3, 2007

Jimmy Carter Filler: His Biggest Secret and Greatest Claim to Fame

What shall our "Jimmy Carter Filler" be today? We have several items to choose from:

* Jimmy Carter is a lifelong bottle collector. He digs for them in old dumps and abandoned outhouses.

* Jimmy Carter did not allow his daughter Amy to have a pet dog at the White House. Instead, Amy had a pet tree.

* In his first day in office, Jimmy Carter pardoned all Vietnam War evaders.

* While a midshipman at Annapolis, Jimmy Carter was hazed for refusing to sing "Marching Through Georgia," Sherman's storied war song.

All those are all good choices, though perhaps not quite as good as his UFO sighting or his execrable poetry.

No, something better is required and I have it:

The greatest service that Jimmy Carter could do for this country would be to admit something which he and his entire family have concealed for generations, but which is clearly visible and unmistakable. It would have been much better if he had acknowledged it before, certainly there was no reason to conceal it after he became president; nevertheless, he did conceal it and continues to conceal it to this day. All the good works that are attributed to him with hammer and nails, the peace treaty which he secured by bribing Israel and Egypt, anything else of value which he may have done for his country or humanity, however exaggerated, would pale in comparison to the monumental impact which he could have had on the social evolution of this country and the consolidation of its people, had he admitted the truth in season.

The one real opportunity which Carter had to change this country for the better and assure himself an honorable place in its history rather than in the annals of political opportunism, he disregarded and squandered; still, no further documentation is required than what Nature imprinted on his face, his mother's face and his daughter's face. The emperor's clothes (or lack thereof) were never so evident as Carter's African-American origins. In Cuba, he would have been known as a jabao; here, the comparable term is "high yellow" or "blue-veined" (that is, the blue veins are still visible through the skin). This heritage should be a source of pride to him and any of his race who would acclaim the worst president in U.S. history as the first black president. That alone would immediately increase his stature and perhaps even overtake the Iran hostage crisis as the best known event of his presidency (even if it was a non-event).

Bill Clinton may have been America's first temperamentally-black president, as many African-American pundits have asserted; but the first genetically black president, at least in the modern era, was Jimmy Carter, who made a journey unheralded that others are still trying to undertake under the apprehension that they will be the first to break the presidential color barrier.

Come out of the racial closet, Mr. President, it's safe for you and your family now. 83 years is long enough to hide.


Vana said...


I'm in shock, how do you know these things? so America has already had a black president, well, well...I'm almost speechless, why deny who you are? why so ashamed? you should always be proud of your heritage, no matter what it is.

Vana said...

Oh you saved the best for the last

Ms. Calabaza said...

OK, I've always thought the dude and his family are UGGGGGGGGGLY but, with that red hair and blue eyes? He looks like Irish/Scotch descendant to me... If he is part-black - more power to him as that does not make him any less a good person. What makes him evil is the darkness in his heart - where it counts. Me thinks.

Manuel A.Tellechea said...

Ms. Cababza:

He could be one of the black Irish. Seriously, remember that Thomas Jefferson's natural children also had red hair and blue eyes. That didn't stop their father from selling them down the river.

Of course color is immaterial in determining the man or president that Jimmy Carter was. As you say, "it doesn't make him any less a good person." It doesn't even make him any more of a bad person, either.

Charlie Bravo said...

Ms. Calabaza:
Race, character, and morals are not entangled together, fortunately. Assholes come in all colors, religions, sexual orientations, and they are also politically branded in a huge diversity.
As Manuel says, Jimmah is Jimmah, no matter what his DNA contains.
Had he been sincere about it, I would have looked at him through another set of eyes.
Hombre es mas que blanco, es mas que negro.
Manuel knows where I got that from.
Jimmy, on the other hand, has a lot to prove. Not to me, not to the Ameriican people or to humanity, but to God.
And God is not as forgiving and generous as men are.

Ms. Calabaza said...

Mr. Bravo,

I hear ya. Good point.